Gloves.

I watched some of Inception earlier, pausing the film every now and then to sketch the characters on screen. The less said about my attempts, the better. I'm itching to have a go at the second draft, so I'll start planning the changes now and then later I'll try the storyboarding practice technique from the website linked to in the last post, watching a scene then sketching the shots for it. I get how it's important to storyboard, but this is the work I'm looking forward to least. I can feel good about things I've written, I never get feeling for things I've drawn.

Let's talk about changes to the script. A friend with an MA in scriptwriting wrote a wonderful two page report on my effort which has given me a fair bit to think about. His main concerns were that the setting isn't established early enough, then not developed as far as it could. Let's take those one at a time. I've never written a script before and I approached it in much the same way I'd approach a short story, having the setting establish itself through dialogue and description as the narrative continues, but I guess I've been looking at it all wrong. A script isn't being written for the viewing audience, it's being written for a director or producer and they need to have a clear image of the world right from the start. This one can be sorted easy enough, I just need more description in the opening action.

Developing the setting further, that's the challenge. I held back because I didn't want the new technology to be the focus of the story, more the background to it, but I guess it would help to throw a bit more in, give a clearer idea of the scope to which it's used. I'm thinking in the second scene, out in the street, there are adverts everywhere for Voting channels. Perhaps drop the character of Jenny and have Tom recieve a vote on his tablet computer while Pete talks on the phone to get the plot. That short phone call will give us enough to to explore the world a little more.

Dropping a character was another thing suggested. There's perhaps too many for such a short film. Cut down on the news- hold on, I had a thought. Instead of setting the second scene just out on the high street, have it at a bus stop, with some voting advert on the billboard, another on the side of the bus when it arrives. Anyway, dropping a character. It'd let me add a little depth to the others, perhaps. Drop two maybe, get rid of Alison as well. That leaves us with Megan, who is professional and assertive, pro-war and Pete, a pacifist, fancies himself a bit marxist, as the anti-war voice. Tom is stuck in the middle, unable to decide. I tried seating the characters who agreed with each other together in the big argument in scene 4, but just having three people in the room, two speaking one listening, might make things smoother. I like the idea of Megan telling someone to fuck off, though. It backs up her character, that she won't just sit back and take stuff. I also like having a character just super excited to finally be voting, but I guess I can fold that part of Jenny into Pete. Or keep Alison, make her the excited one then have her kicked out for not being serious enough about voting.

Okay, so I have six scenes at the moment. The first introduces the characters of Tom and Pete - including Pete's pacifism - and establishes the world. The second scene brings in the possibility of war and - crucially - of a major vote. Tom is given agency, a voice, a vote: the ability to affect events in the larger world. In the third scene we meet Megan, and a little exposition explains what's about to happen, setting up the confrontation in scene four and the conclusion in scene six. Megan is pro-war, she's Pete's opposite. The fourth scene is an argument between the two sides. It's done as a kind of montage, so I can show key points without actually needing to explain too much about the political situation in the world. Scene five is just whichever characters make the cut letting us know what's going to happen at the end. We're all going to sit around for The Big Vote. Scene six is very little dialogue, very tense, Tom making a choice and regretting it, the counter counting down to the end. I like that, I don't want to mess with the order too much. It was recommended I cut down on the exposition in scene three because it breaks the flow, and that's another good suggestion, but I don't want to change the narrative arc too much.

Just noticed I only actually mention one character's name in dialogue. That's fine for the minor ones, but it's near the end of the film Megan refers to Tom by name. At that point it's kind of redundant to name him, right? That's something to fix in the second draft.

It should be noted this post has been written in parts over a couple of days. This is the worst time of year to decide to take up drawing; my hands are freezing. Gloves are the big lesson I've learned over the past 48 hours. I had a run at the second draft tuesday evening. I haven't looked at it since. I'm going to read through it now and see how I feel about the changes.